I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize