I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
