I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
