Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
