I wanna passion pit in your ass
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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