Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
