Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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