Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
