get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
she pinky promised me she was 18
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
