I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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