Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
