everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
