U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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