i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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