Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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