She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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