I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I am one with the molecules
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
