I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
