I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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