I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
