Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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