i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
