fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
