we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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