i already hear my dad disowning me
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
