Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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