I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
vagina is talking i cant
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
