The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
