shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
