The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
