so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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