I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
