Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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