last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize