I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
home. puking in laundry basket.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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