words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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