I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
