The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
