Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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