The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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