I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
