If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
