You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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