I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
