oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize