THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
