Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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