i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
