before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
