You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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