how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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