I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
