I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
