Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
her facebook's as public as her vagina
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He has the fingertips of a God
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