I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
