I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
