And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
