I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize