if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
where are my pants?
in the oven.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
