Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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