i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
