Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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