I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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