i think my mom watched the whole time
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
