would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
