you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
