Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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